Saturday, 10 December 2011
Help Your Child Cope With The Death Of Their Pet.
Chances are your child’s first experience of death will be the loss of the family pet. How can you help them to deal with this and prepare for the departure of their beloved friend?
Firstly understand the bond that children have with animals.
Most likely this will be the first relationship where they undoubtedly gave and received unconditional love, outside of parents, sibling etc. This will be the friend who was there for them when they had a bad day at school, when they got sent to their room for bad behaviour and also there for the fun, happy times. So bear in mind this will be a massive wrench for them. Don’t underestimate the love your child would have received and felt. There will also be a level of commitment and responsibility that they will have developed, from grooming and feeding to walking and cuddle time. This will have created a huge bond and time slots in their daily life that will now be gone.
Secondly, when it comes to explaining pet death, stick to the truth. Don’t fluff it up or skirt around the facts. If your pet has an illness and is likely to be put down you will need to start preparing your child. A good way to know what they’re capable of understanding is to let their questions guide you. After the obvious statement from you telling them about what’s going to happen, they will likely have their own questions and that will be enough for them at the beginning. Don’t flood them with information let it gradually come out as the process goes on. If you do decide to euthanize your pet then you must tell your child. Let them know when it will happen and why. They will need to have time to say goodbye. They may not understand that your pets body is unable to carry on and explaining to them that this is the best option for the animal as they will no longer be in pain is a good start.
Adults struggle with the concept of death never mind trying to explain it to a child. No one can say what is best for your child you know them best. However it’s a good idea not to make it too complicated. Maybe start by asking them what their idea of death is. Children have wild imaginations so they may have formed a magical place in their mind that their friend has gone to. Encourage them to describe this place and what their pet is doing. Perhaps you could get them to draw it and keep it on their wall. Honesty is never a bad thing and regardless of your religious or spiritual beliefs you can always say that you’re not 100% sure, if of course you’re not.
In my opinion it’s not a good idea to use the phrase “they’ve gone to sleep” or are being “put to sleep” as this could cause fear for them at night when trying to sleep. Saying “they’ve left us and are in a better place” can make your child angry and feel that their pet had somewhere they wanted to go without them. Keep it simple explain that death can be from an accident or illness and old age. Let them understand that just like humans, an animals body can wear out and weaken from sickness. Talk to them about grief and how it’s ok to be sad and miss their friend at times.
Lastly, don’t try and replace their pet straight away with another one, give it some time. They may feel disloyal if they like the new pet straight after the death of the other one. Talk to your child about the fun things they used to do together and encourage them to speak to you about their favourite memories. Let your child pick their favourite photo of them with their pet and have it framed and put in their bedroom. If they want to hold onto a toy or a collar, don’t disapprove it will help them to feel that they still have some physical contact. Make sure you don’t clear the house of all the pet items straight away, your child will need to feel that not everything has been taken away and that there’s some normal feeling of the pet still around the house. A simple memorial in your garden or at the park is a constructive way to let your child say goodbye. Planting a shrub that they get to pick out for their pet and burying a special drawing they’ve done with it is also a good way for them to have some closure.
Firstly understand the bond that children have with animals.
Most likely this will be the first relationship where they undoubtedly gave and received unconditional love, outside of parents, sibling etc. This will be the friend who was there for them when they had a bad day at school, when they got sent to their room for bad behaviour and also there for the fun, happy times. So bear in mind this will be a massive wrench for them. Don’t underestimate the love your child would have received and felt. There will also be a level of commitment and responsibility that they will have developed, from grooming and feeding to walking and cuddle time. This will have created a huge bond and time slots in their daily life that will now be gone.
Secondly, when it comes to explaining pet death, stick to the truth. Don’t fluff it up or skirt around the facts. If your pet has an illness and is likely to be put down you will need to start preparing your child. A good way to know what they’re capable of understanding is to let their questions guide you. After the obvious statement from you telling them about what’s going to happen, they will likely have their own questions and that will be enough for them at the beginning. Don’t flood them with information let it gradually come out as the process goes on. If you do decide to euthanize your pet then you must tell your child. Let them know when it will happen and why. They will need to have time to say goodbye. They may not understand that your pets body is unable to carry on and explaining to them that this is the best option for the animal as they will no longer be in pain is a good start.
Adults struggle with the concept of death never mind trying to explain it to a child. No one can say what is best for your child you know them best. However it’s a good idea not to make it too complicated. Maybe start by asking them what their idea of death is. Children have wild imaginations so they may have formed a magical place in their mind that their friend has gone to. Encourage them to describe this place and what their pet is doing. Perhaps you could get them to draw it and keep it on their wall. Honesty is never a bad thing and regardless of your religious or spiritual beliefs you can always say that you’re not 100% sure, if of course you’re not.
In my opinion it’s not a good idea to use the phrase “they’ve gone to sleep” or are being “put to sleep” as this could cause fear for them at night when trying to sleep. Saying “they’ve left us and are in a better place” can make your child angry and feel that their pet had somewhere they wanted to go without them. Keep it simple explain that death can be from an accident or illness and old age. Let them understand that just like humans, an animals body can wear out and weaken from sickness. Talk to them about grief and how it’s ok to be sad and miss their friend at times.
Lastly, don’t try and replace their pet straight away with another one, give it some time. They may feel disloyal if they like the new pet straight after the death of the other one. Talk to your child about the fun things they used to do together and encourage them to speak to you about their favourite memories. Let your child pick their favourite photo of them with their pet and have it framed and put in their bedroom. If they want to hold onto a toy or a collar, don’t disapprove it will help them to feel that they still have some physical contact. Make sure you don’t clear the house of all the pet items straight away, your child will need to feel that not everything has been taken away and that there’s some normal feeling of the pet still around the house. A simple memorial in your garden or at the park is a constructive way to let your child say goodbye. Planting a shrub that they get to pick out for their pet and burying a special drawing they’ve done with it is also a good way for them to have some closure.
Tuesday, 6 December 2011
Building Confidence in your Dog
Let’s not beat around the bush. Is your dog a bit of a wimp?
A bit of a big girl’s blouse when it comes to interacting with other dogs. Obviously each dog has a different character to the next, but can your nervous, trembling pooch be given enough confidence by you to start socializing properly with other dogs. Even if their character by nature is shy and timid, you can help them gain courage so that interacting with other dogs and humans isn’t too stressful for them. It may be that they became this way because of a trauma as a puppy or in adulthood. They may also have other issues like separation anxiety.
Firstly understand that this won’t happen overnight. Be patient. Little and often is the key to slowly building up your dogs confidence.
To begin with start obedience training. It’s the first step in helping to socialise your dog as it will help them to feel comfortable in their body. The better they become at understanding and obeying commands the stronger their confidence will grow. You will praise them when they get something right and that too will develop their feeling of self worth. Physically doing jumps, tricks and runs, will give them a positive sense of their own body as well as strengthen them and keeping them fit. All of this is helpful in building up their self esteem. Teaching them to weave, play fetch and other tricks are fun for both of you as well as exercise and technique learning for your pet. Do not baby them when they are learning. If they need to be corrected because they got something wrong, do it. They will feel confident if they know their boundaries.
Dog socialisation means that your dog is taught (hopefully from a young age) how to feel comfortable with themselves around humans, other dogs and different environments regardless of their breeds and characters. Mixing them in as many different circles of people and pets is the best start. After the age of 4 months, if you have socialised your puppy correctly he should be very confident in new surroundings and company. If you haven’t done this from a young age or you’ve taken on an older dog, then the above obedience training will be a step in the right direction.
Take your dog to the park where you can both sit and watch other owners and dogs. Believe me it will help your dog to get used to being around others without having to interact at this stage. You need to do this as regularly as possible.
You could be unwittingly encouraging your dogs fear by your own behaviour.
Next time you’re walking your dog pay attention to how you react when another dog approaches. Do you immediately tighten the lead or guide your dog away from interacting? Do you talk to him and pat him as they draw closer? You may think this is a good way of reassuring him but your dog will pick up very quickly on your reactions and take being cautious as the normal thing to do when they see a new dog. Keeping quiet and calmly walking ahead without quickening your pace will not alert your dog to any problems. When your dog is scared the first thing you want to do is pet him to reassure him. Don’t, he will think you are encouraging his nervous behaviour as the correct way to feel.
Fear aggression is a state you do not want your dog getting to. This is very hard to correct. It is exactly as it sounds, aggressive behaviour produced as a result of fear. Basically a dog will attack or become aggressive first so that the other dog doesn’t. If you find yours has gone too far down this road then you really should invest in a dog behavioural expert. No amount of obedience training will change the underlying problems. I say “problems” because it is quite a complex issue. Fear, a lack of early socialisation, abuse and possible genetic conditions could all be contributing to this problem.
It may be that you never fully train your dog to change this problem as it is so deeply embedded, but with a behavioural expert and plenty of patience you can definitely help to alleviate it.
A bit of a big girl’s blouse when it comes to interacting with other dogs. Obviously each dog has a different character to the next, but can your nervous, trembling pooch be given enough confidence by you to start socializing properly with other dogs. Even if their character by nature is shy and timid, you can help them gain courage so that interacting with other dogs and humans isn’t too stressful for them. It may be that they became this way because of a trauma as a puppy or in adulthood. They may also have other issues like separation anxiety.
Firstly understand that this won’t happen overnight. Be patient. Little and often is the key to slowly building up your dogs confidence.
To begin with start obedience training. It’s the first step in helping to socialise your dog as it will help them to feel comfortable in their body. The better they become at understanding and obeying commands the stronger their confidence will grow. You will praise them when they get something right and that too will develop their feeling of self worth. Physically doing jumps, tricks and runs, will give them a positive sense of their own body as well as strengthen them and keeping them fit. All of this is helpful in building up their self esteem. Teaching them to weave, play fetch and other tricks are fun for both of you as well as exercise and technique learning for your pet. Do not baby them when they are learning. If they need to be corrected because they got something wrong, do it. They will feel confident if they know their boundaries.
Dog socialisation means that your dog is taught (hopefully from a young age) how to feel comfortable with themselves around humans, other dogs and different environments regardless of their breeds and characters. Mixing them in as many different circles of people and pets is the best start. After the age of 4 months, if you have socialised your puppy correctly he should be very confident in new surroundings and company. If you haven’t done this from a young age or you’ve taken on an older dog, then the above obedience training will be a step in the right direction.
Take your dog to the park where you can both sit and watch other owners and dogs. Believe me it will help your dog to get used to being around others without having to interact at this stage. You need to do this as regularly as possible.
You could be unwittingly encouraging your dogs fear by your own behaviour.
Next time you’re walking your dog pay attention to how you react when another dog approaches. Do you immediately tighten the lead or guide your dog away from interacting? Do you talk to him and pat him as they draw closer? You may think this is a good way of reassuring him but your dog will pick up very quickly on your reactions and take being cautious as the normal thing to do when they see a new dog. Keeping quiet and calmly walking ahead without quickening your pace will not alert your dog to any problems. When your dog is scared the first thing you want to do is pet him to reassure him. Don’t, he will think you are encouraging his nervous behaviour as the correct way to feel.
Fear aggression is a state you do not want your dog getting to. This is very hard to correct. It is exactly as it sounds, aggressive behaviour produced as a result of fear. Basically a dog will attack or become aggressive first so that the other dog doesn’t. If you find yours has gone too far down this road then you really should invest in a dog behavioural expert. No amount of obedience training will change the underlying problems. I say “problems” because it is quite a complex issue. Fear, a lack of early socialisation, abuse and possible genetic conditions could all be contributing to this problem.
It may be that you never fully train your dog to change this problem as it is so deeply embedded, but with a behavioural expert and plenty of patience you can definitely help to alleviate it.
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